Monday, August 15, 2011

4 questions


when i was in grad school to become a therapist, i learned a lot about cross-cultural healing.  in many ancient and tribal cultures, if a person was sick, unhappy, or stuck in life, they would visit the village elders.  the very first thing the elders would ask were these 4 questions:
1. when did you stop singing?
2. when did you stop dancing?
3. when did you lose interest in stories, particularly your own?
4. when did you become uncomfortable with silence?


i love these questions because they speak to something which brings so many people into 
therapy - healing your inner child.  think about it.  children are pretty passionate about every single one of those topics - singing, dancing, stories {particularly their own story}, and while they may make a lot of noise themselves, they are certainly not weirded out by silence the way adults are {i've had several clients under the age of 12 who spent many of our 45 minute sessions in perfect silence}.
  

there's something that happens between early childhood and adulthood.  we make all sorts of assumptions about ourselves and the world around us, which in turn, teaches us to close ourselves off from our feelings, from taking risks, and consequently, from true joy.  think about those 4 questions again.  each of those topics asks us to embrace an attitude of openness toward experiencing all that comes with living a full life, and often times these experiences involve facing our inner critic.  how many of you read the first question and thought "oh but i can't sing!" or something along those lines?  that was your inner critic. if you'll look again, the question is not "when did you stop singing well?"  it doesn't matter one bit what you sound like! singing benefits ALL of our souls.


the good news is, we can heal our inner child.  we may have learned faulty lessons when we were young that caused our inner child to become wounded, but we don't have to wait to unlearn them in order to embrace these 4 joys of life.  by choosing to sing, dance, tell our story, and sit in silence, new beliefs will replace the old.  don't wait until you FEEL like taking action - that may never come.  but acting despite the lack of feelings will transform you into a new person... shiny happy people dancing! and all that.


who's going to sing today?
who's going to dance?
who will tell their story?
who will take time for silence?

i will. care to join me?


23 comments:

  1. I would LOVE to join you! Thank you for posting this. I'm going to take the time today to make sure I do all four of these oh-so-important things!

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  2. Thanks for posting this Kim, I needed it today.

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  3. I WILL! I'm going to sing and dance like no tomorrow right now! :) This was so beautiful and it really reminded me of my anthropology classes!

    Belly B :)

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  4. I am absolutely joining you! I would also like to know where I can find these elders so I can study with them for some time. True wisdom like that seems so rare in the world these days.

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  5. Great post. I think my son helps me to make sure and do each of these daily....but before him, I know I did not.

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  6. Your optimism is delightful! That really seems like real wisdom--singing and dancing and ultimately smiling to restore one's spirit.

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  7. This is such a beautifully written post, I think it's my favorite from your blog up to now (I think because I have too many favorites).

    I definitely will join you :)

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  8. Lovely. I've been lucky to not be embarrassed about singing or dancing for a long time (and I can actually thank my church for that). I'm not even close to a good singer and I'm an even worse dancer but I'll pull out all the stops and do a good old "Water Sprinkler" just to have fun. Thanks for the reminder to have fun, I think it can be hard to reconnect with our inner child. Watching kids at camp this past week, I wonder whether I was ever willing to take risks like they would. I don't remember being a big risk taker when I was younger, I know I'm very cautious now.... I think sometimes I miss out on opportunities because I think of the consequences so darn much. It makes me responsible but I think I'm missing a little bit of fun.

    Hopefully I can take those four questions with me today and join you in spirit!

    Have fun.

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  9. Yes. I will join you. I love everything about this post (pictures included). Brings me to a very happy place :)

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  10. Oh Kim, I can just imagine how awesome you are at your job. This is such an inspiring post for so many reasons. I think children tend to have less inhibitions. They are not aware of being off key, uncoordinated, or whether or not they have to say something. Yes, if I had an amazing voice I would sing all the time. But since I don't I just sing when no one is around. Sad, huh?

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  11. this is a wonderful post. i esp love the last picture, i used it on my blog once and it just embodies music and freedom doesnt it? its lovely/ i will join you. sometimes when ive had a stressful day i sing.. just letting out emotion is wonderful xx
    thanks for making me think and making me smile x

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  12. Kim, your posts never cease to make me smile and say "Hmm". I love this topic. I am definitely guilty of allowing my inner critic to take over and prevent me from taking chances and living life to the fullest. I'm working on that a little bit every day.

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  13. OH!! I love these questions. Seems like children could answer them so easily. That's why the rock.

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  14. This is such a thoughtful, fascinating read, Kim! I've come to the conclusion that i enjoy all of these things still, just I do them and enjoy them most by myself in privacy when home alone. I should work on not being afraid to unleash a little more often. :)

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  15. I love how fearless kids are - they do/say what they want, when they want, without a worry in the world :-) What great little role models!

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  16. i sing TERRIBLY, but that doesn't stop me. and my dancing is atrocious, but i'll do it if i am alone. and i LOVE silence. i always have!

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  17. I love this post Kim, such an interesting thing to read and learn about! i enjoy all of those things but will try to make a point to do them more often as well as to listen to others' stories... hope your week is off to a good start!

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  18. Yes indeed. Thanks for this post, Kim. I needed it!

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  19. what a inspiring post, Kim.
    I am a learning these days that it matters to give voice to our stories, our dancing and singing voice and silence can be bliss. Any of these mediums can hold our heart and heal us.

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  20. I think this post has to fall under one of my favorite of yours, Kim. I'm happy to say I don't think I've stopped any of those! Although, I don't sing/dance in front of certain people/places as I'm sure kids mostly don't pay attention to who's around and where. Not too long ago, I was thinking that it's very sad when someone stops another from singing... or especially dancing.

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  21. I think this post has to fall under one of my favorite of yours, Kim. I'm happy to say I don't think I've stopped any of those! Although, I don't sing/dance in front of certain people/places as I'm sure kids mostly don't pay attention to who's around and where. Not too long ago, I was thinking that it's very sad when someone stops another from singing... or especially dancing.

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