over the last couple weeks i've found myself in the midst of a transitional phase. my life doesn't look a whole lot different from before my wedding or last year when i was in school. i mean, i still don't have a job or a set schedule. i still have plenty of time to blog and make art and exercise and have fun. but lately i've been thinking, what really does my life mean these days?
i'm finished with grad school, i'm living in a whole new city, i am now living with another person, that person being my new life partner, and i don't know many people around me anymore. i don't have a place. a place where i can go to see people. a place where i can contribute to the world. a place that gives my thoughts and actions a purpose. right now i don't have school or work or even a spiritual community.
the other night we helped some friends paint their kitchen - a typically boring job, i was so excited to be able to do something with a couple hours of my time. it's hard right now because i don't have a car to get out there and we don't have enough furniture yet to invite people into our home.
i also have one of those strange careers where, as a master's level graduate, i won't get paid for my hard work for the first year or two {unacceptable, by the way}. not to mention that, at 28 years old, this is my third career and i'm still not totally sold on it. i wrestle with the question, how much of me is my career? with SO MANY interests, dreams, and big ideas, where do they all fit in my life realistically? how much a part of my job do they need to be, and how much time outside of a job should i dedicate to my passions? how much of each of the things i love make up who i am?
these are the things i'm wrestling with right now as i find myself having a LOT of free time, no money, and no way to get around. i know that i'm just in a weird in-between place right now, but i also feel like i'm at a cross-roads where i can start molding my life in ways that i always wanted - ways i never thought possible when i was in my early and mid 20's. but that also means i have to start making some definitive choices for my life. i have to pick a path and try it out. just do something and see. i also have to decide what are each of my dreams worth? what would i have to sacrifice in order to try out each path with my whole heart? and would the outcome make me so happy that the sacrifice would be worth it?
with so much to think about, i've begun making my lists, journaling, and creating art. i'm also hoping we'll get a car soon so i can begin to explore my interests in more tangible ways. and really, as frustrating as it can be to not know the future, it's exciting to be crossing a bridge with a surprise on the other side.
-- in other news --
many of you mentioned that you weren't familiar with the bands and albums i talked about yesterday, so i decided to put together a little sampler of my favorite songs from those albums. honestly, i wish i could take this playlist and put it into record form so i wouldn't have to choose. oh decisions!
hope you enjoy!
Thanks for the collection of songs!
ReplyDeleteAs for what you're going through right now, I can really relate. I did two bachelors degrees, had four majors and am considering a completely different career than the grad program I'm in now is molding me for. When you're someone who does have a lot of interests, it's hard. Your work shouldn't rule your life, but it should be something you enjoy and should make you financially comfortable enough to do the other things you enjoy in your spare time. Hope you get the chance to explore your new city soon!
I'm starting to think most people don't know exactly what they want to do with their lives. At least you have so many interests that you have a problem deciding! My problem was usually not enough interest to warrant looking into a career. I agree with what Brandi said about work not ruling your life but should still be enjoyable. I think Americans sometimes place too much emphasis on work and not enough on life. Still, I hope you find something that gives your energy and a reason to do something. It is a good feeling when you've done some work and feel accomplished. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI love your new banner! wait... I think I totally must have missed your wedding post with photos...
ReplyDeleteThese are the big questions, aren't they? I think so long as you are happy and challenged and fulfilled (in and out of your career), you'll be okay. It may not be perfection, but it could be perfect for you at just the rigth time in your life. You've got a great attitude towards it all though (and a lovely husband to help you find your way). I love what you said about the surprise waiting across the bridge.
ReplyDeletePS: We're commenting on each other's blogs at the exact same time! I knew you'd love that ruffle dress. I actually thought of you when I posted it!
ReplyDeleteI feel your struggle. Granted I'm just working on an AA degree but at 27 I am definitely having the "where is my life going" feeling.
ReplyDeleteLike you told me not long ago, Kim, I think you just have to do what makes you happy. It's a weird place to be right now, but in another way it's absolutely beautiful. You do have those options. You should follow your passions. In whatever little ways you can, and big ways too. It'll pay off.
ReplyDeleteYou are a brave, smart, creative, independant, talented, funny, thoughtful and loving woman! No job or career will ever define who you are! Life is always a series of transitions....let me quote Sheryl Crow, "Every day is a winding road", but "A change will do you good", and "If it makes you happy" then you should do what you want with your life...be it change your career 110x or dye your hair electric purple! My point is, life is about happiness, loving and being loved. And now to quote myself, "The rest is just STUFF!" So little sister, dont think too hard about everything....your life has been wonderful so far! You have lived richly and fully! Why muddle that up with worries of who you are and where you are going! Live each moment with the purpose of happiness and love and those changes life throws your way will only be part of the adventure!
ReplyDeleteI am there with you. I am 27. About to graduate grad school and no idea what I really want to do with my life. All I know is I want it to matter.Work is a love hate relationship. I love the structure it gives my day but I also resent spending all my time there. I know what you mean about all your dreams and hopes fitting into a job. I am still at a loss.I think that you can chose the fundamental values you have about society and work and apply them to a job. This may not translate into what you thought but I think as long as you are practicing your values at your job-your other interest can be used to have the icing to your cake. LOL. This is along comment.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing this post with us! It sounds like you are using this transitional phase in your life to the fullest, in terms of self-exploration, introspection, and fostering your interests. That's incredibly admirable! I look forward to reading about your journey throughout this all in future blog posts!
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