holiday survival guide

let's be practical. as much as you may love your family and friends, the holidays are some stressful times.  it's hard to escape the craziness for self-care, but it's precisely these situations when you need to do self-care the most.  here are some tips for taking care of yourself during the holidays.


the best way to get some alone time during the holidays:
be honest - tell your friends and family you need alone time, ask them to respect your needs even if they don't understand it, and encourage them to do their own self-care during these stressful times.

but let's face it, there are people out there who won't respect your boundaries, so if being honest won't work with certain individuals in your life, feel free to set boundaries in more creative ways.

for immediate privacy:
 go to the bathroom - "i have to pee," or "i think i have something in my eye," or simply shout "bathroom!" and you can be sure no one will follow you.
fake a very important phone call - "this is my friend over seas! excuse me," or "uh-oh, i think this is my boss, better go see what she needs," or "my friend is having a really tough time right now,
i better give him a call to check in." then go practice some deep breathing.

for longer-term privacy:
get sick without really getting sick - "i'm starting to feel run down, i'd better lie down so it doesn't turn into a full-blown cold," or "my lady times is really bad today, better skip going to
the mall with you," or simply come down with a migraine which requires quiet solitude.
spend the rest of the day in your room with magazines, good food, and your laptop.

make up very important appointments - "i have this thing on my... you know what? it's not something i want to talk about, but i'll be back in an hour." then go to a favorite spot in your city.
run such a horrible errand that no one will want to join you - "sigh...i'm going to have to go to
wal-mart." but please, don't actually go to wal-mart. go somewhere wonderful and fun.

if you're traveling to a different city:
 make up a friend to visit - "i've got this friend two towns over i want to visit.  i'll be back later tonight." then look up all the fun things to do in that area and go nuts exploring for a day.
...unless of course you actually do have a friend two towns over, in which case you won't be lying.

for therapists, our busiest time of year is around the holidays.  while we like to describe the holidays as the most wonderful time of the year, the reality is that for most of us it's the most overwhelming.  people feel pressured to spend large amounts of money on gifts, make elaborate dinners, schmooze with acquaintances at various holiday parties, and spend large amounts of time with family.  now as much as you may love your friends and family, the truth is that spending time with them brings back a whole lot of complicated dynamics.  stress-ful!  so when you can be honest with family and friends about your needs, do so.  but if you can't, well, it's okay to lie.  it's good for you.

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