Thursday, February 25, 2010

Apartment Life...

Dear upstairs neighbor,
Here is a poem just for you:

The people upstairs all practise ballet
Their living room is a bowling alley
Their bedroom is full of conducted tours.

Their radio is louder than yours,

They celebrate week-ends all the week.

When they take a shower, your ceilings leak.

They try to get their parties to mix

By supplying their guests with Pogo sticks,

And when their fun at last abates,

They go to the bathroom on roller skates.

I might love the people upstairs more

If only they lived on another floor.

- Ogden Nash

The girl who tries to sleep even though you vacuum at midnight and drop your furniture from the highest heights at all hours of the day... seriously, what is it exactly that you are doing up there to cause so much racket?

And on a related note...

Dear next door neighbor,
Please move your bed away from the wall when you entertain your gentleman friends. I mean really, it's not rocket science. Sure, I'm happy you're having such a great time over there, but I really don't need to be subjected to all the noisy details.

The girl who has to move all her breakables far from the edges of shelves just so they don't rattle off during your ... well, let's just say "boots knockin."


  1. Ahahahah! That's hilarious! (well, not for you). I love the part "They try to get their parties to mix
    By supplying their guests with Pogo sticks," that's the best!

    I live in an apartment too, and I'm not sure of the girl upstairs' profession but it must be something requiring her to come in at 2am to 'entertain' and be gone the rest of the time. Her room is over my 3 yr old son's room. As to not scar this poor child for life, I told my son Santa lives upstairs. And, if he hears something, it's Santa and the elves making his toys for Christmas. Many mornings he'll tell me he heard Santa in his workshop. Hopefully he will believe me forever!

  2. Oh my gosh, welcome to my life! We have thin walls in my building. The people across the hall talk SO LOUD and they STOMP UP AND DOWN THE STAIRS when they're coming and going.

    The guy below us has two daughters that LOVE to listen to Miley Cyrus at all hours of the day VERY LOUD and the guy seems to be part deaf because he always has the TV up loud. Oh and they slam their cupboards like crazy. Grr.

  3. Oh my god, this made me laugh! You're far kinder in your choice of words than I might have been...

    I got your LOST-related email and am composing my reply! Watch for it.

  4. haha, I was seriously laughing out loud when i read this post! ;) Some neighbors can be so inconsiderate. I'm just glad I am done with college, sharing dorm rooms and the thin walls - you could hear everything!

  5. Ughhhhh, I had neighbors like that in college. I heard them every night like clockwork. It was so sick.

  6. Hahahahaha! Oh dear. Believe me, I feel your neighborly pain. *sigh*

  7. Ohh I hate those kind of neighbours... though 10 years ago I probably was that kind of neighbour, in my defense I have to mention that my next-door neighbour was deaf and my downstairs-neighbour was a bartender, so I usually met him on my way home...
    On another note that might make your San Francisco vs. Los Angeles dilemma an easier choice!

  8. i am with Erin.. you are far kinder than I would be ....

  9. ooh! this reminds me of the limerick i wrote to my upstairs neighbors one time:
    all night upstairs neighbors they do it
    the ceiling so thin i hear through it
    there's groaning and thumping when they get to humping
    i should have bought earplugs, i knew it!

  10. So funny!!! On a related issue, I knocked on a neighbor's door last week, they didnt answer. I could hear them talking I thought. So I rang the bell. I heard them a bit louder and was annoyed that they were ignoring me. I rang the final time....and as i was pushing the button I realized that I wasnt hearing talking....but it was too late, there is a point of no return when pushing a doorbell! It rang again, and I took off down the street back home! I felt like a kid playing ding-dong-ditch! But I laughed the whole way home!